Finding Perfect Love

I need someone to love, if I don’t love, then I’m empty, I have no purpose in life. But why is there so much pain and suffering associated with love? What is the solution to this situation? In this enlightening video, Jagad Guru Siddhaswarupananda offers clear insights into how to find that perfect love we are all longing for.

Video Transcript

Jagad Guru: Sometimes in our lives we have experiences that makes us wonder about the whole thing. We wonder, “Why am I here?” or, “What is this all about?” or, “Why are we suffering?” Sometimes it gets so overwhelming that we don’t know what to do. We don’t know how to escape from the suffering or how to solve the problem. But there’s no suffering in the world like the suffering of losing one… losing the person that you love. And this suffering is more suffering than any suffering. All the suffering in the world, they’re so great, there’s so many causes for this suffering, but there is no suffering greater than the suffering of losing someone you love.

One time when I was a kid, I wasn’t very intelligent, I fell in love. I hadn’t had my driver’s license too long, didn’t have the car long either. Because I was so sad, I was so unhappy that the girl I loved ended up not wanting to love me any more, so I stuck my fist through the windshield of the car, you see, sitting there in so much suffering, stuck my fist through the windshield of the car. Of course, I was quite surprised when the whole thing shattered and everything. (laughter) I started wondering, you know, “What are my parents going to think about this?” For a moment I forgot about my problem and started thinking about a new problem. (laughter) But this new problem was nothing like the other one, you know? The other problem stuck around for a while but it was a very good experience for me because at that time I made a decision in my life. I said, “I want to be like the Buddha.” Of course, I didn’t know anything about Buddha, but I knew one thing. From the little I read, he said, “This place is… this world is a place of suffering, due to attachments.” And I thought, “You know, that guy is right. This is really a bad experience, you know. This is really, really a bummer. This is a real bummer.” (chuckles) I didn’t think I would live through that, you see.

But why is there so much pain? Why is there so much pain when we lose somebody that we love? It’s really a message to us. It’s God’s arrangement. “Don’t do that.” You know? If you stick your finger in fire, what happens? It hurts. It hurts. Why does it hurt? It hurts so you don’t do it again.

We were talking one time, you know, if it didn’t hurt, you know, like, you know, I could be talking here for example and there could be a little flame or a candle or something sitting here and my finger could be in it. My whole hand could be sitting in the fire and I’d be talking to you then I’d go to pick up my glass of water or something and there’d just be a stump there and I’d knock my glass of water over, you see? I’d bleed to death before I knew it. Right? So it hurts. Then I go, “Oh, don’t do that!” That’s how kids learn, right? You tell them, “Don’t do that!” and they go… and you say, “Don’t do that!” and they go… They don’t know why, and then they do it and they hurt and they go, “Aaaah!” Right? And you say, “I told you not to do that!” And then they blame you, you know, as if you made it hurt, or something. (laughter)

You need someone to love, but you should place your love on God. And if you don’t make Him your ultimate lovable object then you’re going to suffer. It’s as simple as that. Okay? I didn’t make the rules, I am just narrating the reality. Don’t blame me, it’s not like, “Well, why did I do it that way?” You see, I didn’t do it (laughter), I’m just narrating. Don’t blame me for any of this. And everyone of us here knows it, because every single one of us, except the young ones, have had our loves. We’ve had our puppy loves. That’s the worst. You don’t know anything like that, you know, the puppy love trip. It’s so innocent, so sweet, and so strong, and it hurts so much when she falls in love with the other little neighborhood punk, (laughter) you know?

So we know from experience and we’re so stupid, we keep doing the same thing over and over again. Because it’s not that easy being a Buddha. It’s really hard not to love anyone or anything. I mean, I want to love, and if I don’t love then I’m empty. I have no purpose in life. I need to love. I need someone to love. So what is the solution to this situation? The solution is that I love someone who will not go away from me. I love someone who will not drop me to go love somebody else. I love someone who’s not going to leave me ever. This is the solution. And who is that someone? That someone has the title, God. That Someone has many, many names. The Supreme Personality of Godhead is all lovable. Jesus Christ tells us very simply, “You want to be my disciple? Then love my Father, love the Supreme Father with your entire heart, your entire being.” Okay? “If you take your entire heart, your whole being, your mind, your body and you give it to someone else, you’re going to get trounced. You’re going to suffer.” Okay? Simple thing. Very simple. Okay? Love the Supreme Person.

Chaitanya Mahaprabhu teaches us how to do it by His own living example, His own life’s example. He’s teaching us, “Sing and chant always the Names of the Supreme Lord. In this way, become attached to Him. Develop your love for Him. If you don’t do this, you will suffer.”

Now the suffering that we talked about is very small compared to the suffering that can be. In other words, there’s… the suffering that we were just describing is the suffering of a person having their loved one leave them or them, you know, being… somehow losing in this sense. But the worse suffering than that is the suffering when the person who you love dies. This is even worse. There is no suffering like that suffering.

Now everyone of us is destined to die. Where there’s birth, there’s death. Modern science, the promises of modern scientists not withstanding, this is meant to be. It’s going to happen. Again, don’t blame me. It’s going to happen. You’re going to die, okay? And when we say die, let us make it clear here that we’re speaking in the context of the Bhagavad-gita, “For the living entity – for you, in other words, for the spirit soul – there is never birth nor death, that the living entity never ceases to exist. The living entity is unborn, eternal, ever-existing, undying, primeval. You, the living entity, are not slain when the body is slain.”

So when we talk about dying, we’re talking about the person you love leaving their body. So the person you love leaves their body, they’re gone and you’re stuck there with their body. Okay? “Thanks.” You see? This is really rough. You should meditate upon suffering. This is a positive thinking class we got going here. (laughter) You should meditate upon the suffering of death. Go to some funerals. Go watch these people crying over their loved one’s bodies. And you’ll learn how much suffering is there by placing your attachment upon the illusory, the temporary. You didn’t love that form, you loved the person who was in that form, and when the person left that body behind, you’re now stuck not knowing what to do because this, the person you loved, is gone forever. Forever. You don’t know where they went, what’s happening.

So to fall in love with the temporary names and forms of this world is simply foolishness because ultimately you will have to leave your body and they will be clinging on to your body as you leave it, saying, “Don’t leave,” and of course you can’t do anything about it. I mean, there’s nothing, there’s nothing worse for a person who has to leave their body than the person that is attached to them holding onto their body and say… and they say, “Don’t go, don’t leave me like this.” And the poor guy, of course, he can’t not go. He just, you know, he, you know… his heart fell, you see. His lungs burst. His body ain’t working no more. You see? He’s got to go. And then you’re sitting there telling him, “Please don’t go.” That person’s got a bad experience too. He’s… can’t do anything about it. He’s watching you suffer, and he’s suffering from the separation, the attachment, and he’s crying also. When the person’s leaving their body like that, they’re crying. You don’t see their tears because it’s… they’re not hooked up to the body anymore. But they’re crying and crying for your form and you’re crying and crying for them. This is material life.

The solution to overcome this predicament is, first, to understand your real identity, who you are. You are not matter. You’re not the material body. You are the spirit soul, the living entity, within the material body, and you are using this body and some day or another, somewhere along the line, you’re going to have to leave this body behind. You are, in essence, spirit, life force. You’re not matter. You are in fact a spark of the Supreme Spirit, the Supreme Soul. Your essence is spirit and your position is you are the dominated spark, the dominated part and parcel of God. Your natural function therefore is to engage in the loving service of the Supreme Lord, the Supreme Person.

So whenever you forget this fact, whenever you forget your real identity, that you are in fact the spirit soul, part and parcel of God, you see, and that your function, your natural activity, your natural function is to be loving Him and serving Him out of your love for Him, engaging in His loving service, when you forget this, then you suffer. When, in other words, you start to identify your body as yourself, you think, “I am a young man, I am a young woman. Here’s a young man,” or, “Here’s a young woman,” you see, and you let your heart go, “Pitter-pat, pitter-pat, love, love,” and you hook up to that temporary form of the opposite sex, or maybe even children, parents, friends, and so on and so forth. Even dogs, people let their heart go pitter-pat over a poodle. (laughter) You see. Then you’re simply laying down a foundation for more suffering.

You forget that you are the part and parcel of God, you forget your spiritual identity, you forget your natural function and business is rendering loving service to Him, you start identifying with your body, you start thinking of yourself in connection with a particular race, a particular nationality, a particular form. In this way, you hook up with a particular family, “This is my, my life,” in other words. This is your identity. “I am this person,” according to your bodily labels, you see. “These are my attachments, these are my love, this is my foundation of my life.” And then when this fake foundation gets torn away, gets taken away, you go through so much suffering, worrying, “Where is my foundation, what’s happening to my life? Everything’s falling apart. I have no reason to exist. What’s my purpose in life? It’s gone, because the ones I loved are gone.”

So a person, if he wants to be actually happy, he must become liberated. He must become liberated. Liberated means understanding your identity as a servant of God and acting on that fact even in this world. You know, in Jesus’ second commandment, he said something. He said, “The second commandment is like the first,” the first being love the Supreme Father with all your heart, your entire mind, your entire being. He says, “The second one is like unto it. And that is to love your neighbor. Be as concerned about him as you are for yourself.” So he’s not saying that we can’t love others. He’s not saying I can’t love my wife or I can’t love my friend or I can’t love my neighbor or I can’t love my children or I can’t love my parents. But the foundation for my love, for these children of God, these sparks of God, has to be my love for the Supreme Person.

In other words, my love for God extends. I’m loving Him so much that I also love this person, and this person, and, in other words, the more you become a lover of God, then the more you come to love all living entities. Obviously, you’re going to love those who are closest to you. But it’s different. You’re not loving them as your foundation. You’re not loving them as your security. You’re not taking shelter in them. You take shelter in God and you love others. You love God, and He is your shelter, and you love others, but they’re not your shelter, okay? You don’t take shelter in your neighbor. You don’t take shelter in your wife or your husband. You don’t take shelter in your dogs.

You can love dogs, you can love cats. Love ants! Love all living entities. But you don’t think that that ant or that dog is going to protect you. Don’t make that the foundation of your life, always thinking about your relationship, “Oh, when do I feed my dog? Oh, I got to take my dog for a walk,” and centering your whole life around your dog. Don’t make your love for the temporary names and forms of this world, don’t make that the foundation for your life.

If you… I mean, just… it’s very practical. Every single name and form, every single name and form, the billions upon, they’re like so many millions and billions and trillions of bubbles that foam up in the ocean. You know, a wave comes and bangs and all these billions of bubbles come foaming up. They stay for just a second and then they pop and they’re gone. That’s what all the names and forms of this world are like.

So to become attached, to fall in love with one of these bubbles? There’s a bubble, temporarily there. And you know what bubbles are, you know they’re going to pop pretty soon, don’t you? You see these bubbles floating across the sky and you think, “Gee, that one lasted a long time. How long is it going to last?” Then finally it pops. You know the kind where you blow, there’s a bubble and you think, “How long is it going to last?” But you don’t fall in love with it because you know it’s going to pop sooner or later, right?

So if you become attached to the names and forms of this world it’s like becoming attached to these bubbles. Forget the names and forms. See through them to the people inside. Love God and love the living entities who are in these bubbles. That’s spiritual life. It will save you from much suffering, and it will give you actual happiness, actual freedom, actual liberation. Love God, love the Supreme Personality of Godhead, take shelter in Him.

Thank you very much.

Finding Perfect Love